The hard and the soft (and the leaky...)
I'm exhausted, sore, short on patience, lonely yet wanting to hermit away, overwhelmed... not unlike that story I posted. Half the time I'm beside myself. I'm having a hard time keeping track of things. Already I never want to hear a cry again. But I get to squeeze her, and holding her tiny little body, seeing her smile in her sleep or when nursing, watching her play with her tongue and discover the dolls on the playbar of her bouncer, feeling her play with my thumb as she nurses, watching her face move in her sleep, watch and touch her little monkey toes... all those great little moments DO make it all worth it. Happy wiggle time, hands pumping and feet flying, helps melt away the frustration, smooth over the rough edges. Her daddy moments too... bath time, napping together, dancing around the dining area, listening to Spike. Seeing daddy and daughter so happy, sharing special time, just melts my heart.
It does seem most mothers don't talk about the bad, these incredibly rough first weeks. In the midst of them, they feel like they'll never end. I know that's not true, and I'm sure my bad memories will fade too. But I want to record them here or in xanthvamp or in duein_oct07 or maybe in chitown_mamas, the gritty truth, so I'll appreciate the bright times that much more. I'm so beat up now... but I know, deep in my heart, that it's all worth it. And our little happy moments help reinforce that.
Alright... tired, heh. I'm off to cuddle Devin and maybe read some comics till the next nursing. Night all.