Log in

Previous 10

Jun. 2nd, 2009


A year o_O!

Hello! I am still around, though I'm mostly at xanthvamp now. Devin is doing well... she'll be 20 months in a few days!! o_O

I'll be back and post her last few updates :).

Jun. 7th, 2008

Pretty Kitty

Things to not forget; recent pics

Second list of things I don't want to forget, from when Devin was 6 months (April):
Her smile for me; when someone else is holding her and I walk up and that huge grin spreads across her face, just for me.
How incredibly social she is, how she reaches for people, plays with them, lets them hold her, studies their faces, and generally makes them melt.
Her grip! OK, yes, this is both a blessing and a curse. But it shows how aware of her surroundings she is, how interested and alert and smart and curious... I love how she grabs onto me. I love watching explore objects in her hands (before they hit her mouth ;)).
Her firm little body. It's indescribable the feeling when I hold her on my shoulder, the feeling of her back under my hands, small and firm and solid and alive.
Her fat little feet are amazing. They are so big! And they always smell so good. I can't stop kissing them.
Her hands. I knew I would love her feet, but I had no idea how in love with her tiny, perfect hands I'd be. I love watching her hold, move and manipulate things, I love kissing her palms, I just love them.
Her smell. Of course she has that divine baby smell. Her hair, her feet, her hands, her cheeks, her belly... she just smells SO good all over.
Her laugh. It's starting to become a real laugh and not just her baby giggle. She's very ticklish on her feet and ribs, and she just lets out these amazing chuckles.
Our eating game. I "devour" her little cheeks, her nose, her neck, her fingers, her tummy, her tiny toes and she just laughs and laughs. She smiles the biggest smile.
How independent she's becoming. It's bittersweet... she doesn't want to be held all the time anymore, and part of me misses that. But getting to watch her wiggle around on the ground, rolling and kinda-crawling, or watch her in the jumper or the activity center, how she turns to make sure I'm still there and smiles that huge smile at me before going back to chewing or playing or whatever. It's wonderful.
When she naps, sometimes we hear laughing coming from the room. She plays now when she wakes up sometimes instead of screaming right away.
The morning nursing. Since she sleeps in her crib all night now, the morning nurse is our cuddle time, warm and sleepy in our bed.
How she loves to gnaw on me. Since she's still all gums right now it's not painful, and it's neat to feel her gums full out, knowing that soon there will be some teeth breaking through.
Her face rubs, how when she's sleepy she either rubs her eyes with her hands or she rubs her face on our shoulders. It's sweet.
Bath time is play time.
How she tries to mimic us. She plays with cups like she's drinking, eats the cell phone and the remote, she loves spoons, and she makes all kinds of noises.
Her hummm (that sometimes results in spit bubbles) and her pterodactyl shriek.
Her amazing dark chocolate brown eyes.
Her bald, round, soft head covered in a light brown fuzz.
How her eyes roll up a little in pleasure when she nurses.
How her hand holds my thumb, exploring a little, while she nurses.
Her fat, fat baby folds.
Her little cough with the tongue sticking out.
Her baby sigh, ininin oouuuttt.
How she sucks on her fingers, toes, and plays with her tongue.






The Forgotten


I'm here, though I'm really using xanthvamp regularly now.

Devin's growing like a WEED. She is eating food at least twice a day. She has 2 bottom teeth. She's rolling both ways, crawling, pulling to standing AND furniture cruising, and she just turned 8 months 2 days ago :). She's saying mamama and gagaga and a little ba and da. She says KA occasionally too.

Hmmm... not much else to say. Relationship's undefined right now. Cleo's peeing on things and I'm giving her away for now. I'm trying to find work. Life is flying by. And I've been more social this week and the coming than I have been since college.

Dec. 22nd, 2007

Mommy's Imp

(no subject)

Things I love about Devin Rose that I don't want to ever forget:
Her gummy smile.
How she'll break into that big ass grin when she sees Dave or me.
Her baby coos, ahhs and ooos.
Her tongue clicks.
How she tries to mimic us, and comes eerily close vocally.
How much she loves Dave's deep ooohhhs and my renditions of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
How she "talks" to get our attention.
Her snorts as she ruts for food.
Her bliss face as her eyes roll up into her head as she nurses.
How she tries to put her fingers in her mouth while nursing, then grabs my thumb.
How after she falls asleep nursing she rests her free hand gently on my chest.
Watching her sleep, in her crib or on the Boppy on the bed, so peaceful.
Those little facial movements as she sleeps, little whimpers and smiles as her eyes move.
Holding her as she sleeps, feeling her soft breathing, her warmth and her weight.
Sitting, bent over burpings.
Her sweet, sweet baby smell.
Milk breath, and sweet milky kisses.
Milk coma stretches, cheeks first with pressed lips and closed eyes.
The feeling of her sucking on my fingers.
The feel of her soft, downy baby hair, her soft skin, her baby pudge.
Kissing her all over, especially her neck and feet.
Her GORGEOUS baby brown eyes, big and round and perfect.
All her tiny baby bits really, tiny toes and fat fingers and her perfect nose and soft belly and chunky thighs and round cheeks and gorgeous lips...
How she pumps her legs when we play.
How she watches me when we play, and how she watches the whole world now, so alert and attentive and focused, drinking it all in.
How she LOVES being on her belly.
Music baby! TV baby too...
Her amazing gas (sounds adult sometimes!), big yawns, tiny coughs, cute sneezes and incessent hiccups.
Her slurping noises when she sucks on her fingers or her fist.
Holding her in "tree frog" pose, tummy to tummy, as she sucks her fist, looks around, or falls asleep.
Sleeping baby on my shoulder.
How she rubs her face on us when she's tired.
Bouncer time.
Boppy time.
Bath time.
How she strokes her own hair.
How she talks to and laughs with the painting by her changing pad when I'm changing her.
Her tiny baby coos that are turning into baby laughs.
How her coos get shrill when she's starting to get upset.
Her "I'm gonna cry" baby frown before she explodes.
Her "I'm concentrating" or something look with her eyebrows pulled in, or her "what?" look with an eyebrow raised.
Baby burrito, or a wiggly worm.
How she wakes and stretches first thing in the morning after un-swaddling her, taking forever to wake up, then smiling at me.
How she watches her hanging toys now.
Feeling her "stand" on me, so strong, pushing with her legs.
Watching her sit, practically on her own, and with a steady head look around.
How I can soothe her tears, with a cuddle or a walk or a meal or paci or a change of scene.
Super baby!
Sleeping with her, all snuggled up.
How big my hand looks on her tiny belly or arm or leg, and how REALLY tiny she looks in Dave's arms.
How she grabs my hair or shirt when she's on my shoulder.
Her incredible strength, as she learns to grab things.
How she's slowly discovering her own body parts, using her tongue and hands and legs, and gaining smoothness and hand-eye coordination (or should I say hand-mouth ;)).
Watching her reach milestone after milestone with a bittersweet joy.
Simultaneously wanting to watch her grow into a child, then a woman, while holding and relishing her tiny body, wanting her to stay this small forever.

It seems like she's grown SO much already! And she has. Where is the time going? Gone is my teeny tiny baby. Here is this smart little girl, so big now!! I know she's still VERY much an infant at 11 weeks old, 13 or so pounds... but she's already grown so much, by leaps and bounds. So much has changed, and she's learning so much. It's amazing and scary and, yes, a little bittersweet. I want to just hug her, squeeze her, and treasure her now. Cuddle and cuddle her, kiss her all over. There are SO many memories, so many little things and special moments with a tiny baby. All of the above and all that's to come. I want to savor them all.

And one must not forget, how well she photographs!!


LOTS more pics here.

Nov. 29th, 2007

Pretty Kitty



1 month
Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Lifts head when lying on tummy - YES
• Responds to sound - YES
• Stares at faces - YES
Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Follows objects briefly with eyes - YES
• Vocalizes: oohs and aahs - YES
• Can see black-and-white patterns - YES (watches zebra on her bouncer)
Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Smiles, laughs - YES to smiles
• Holds head at 45-degree angle - YES

2 months
Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Vocalizes: gurgles and coos - YES
• Follows objects across field of vision - YES
• Notices his hands - umm... she sucks her fists a lot, does that count?
• Holds head up for short periods - OH YES
Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Smiles, laughs - YES to smiles, just starting to laugh
• Holds head at 45-degree angle - YES
• Makes smoother movements - I think no
Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Holds head steady - YES, for a little bit
• Can bear weight on legs - YES
• Lifts head and shoulders when lying on tummy (mini-pushup) - YES

She also plays facial mimicking (she "sings" with me!), is starting to self-soothe with her thumb/fist, straightens legs, grabs our fingers and sucks on them, plays with her tongue, startles at loud sounds, and STARES, so alertly! She watches TV, books, the cats, the paintings on the wall, us. ;) We are also napping in our crib during the day for a 3 hour stretch, and sleeping at night (with us) swaddled for a 4-6 hour stretch. :D And her hair's growing back!

We still love tummy time, and sleep well on our tummy and sides, but she seems to like being on her back less and less. She startles on the changing table now - not sure why. Kinda panicks and frantically grabs for me :(. She can scootch off the Boppy on her tummy too, sometimes forward, sometimes back. She wants to crawl SO bad. I think she's starting to roll over - she kinda makes it onto a side. And she loves her Gumdrop paci, but as I said, her nursing tongue makes it hard for her to KEEP paci in her mouth unless we can prop in there somehow.

She's growing so fast! She will be 8 weeks Friday, and 2 months Wednesday. Wow!! Time sure does fly.

She has a bit of a cold, green boogers and a bit of coughing, but it doesn't really seem to be slowing her down so I'm just nursing her and trying to keep her warm. Fun times ;).

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Nov. 9th, 2007

Pretty Kitty

The hard and the soft (and the leaky...)

Who's bright idea was it to make nursing so hard?!? Who thought leaking was a good idea?? Yeesh... At least I know I'm making enough, and Devin's drinking it up. Piggy ;). For something so important I feel like it's survival of the fittest over here :P. We're latching better but my nipples still hurt.

I'm exhausted, sore, short on patience, lonely yet wanting to hermit away, overwhelmed... not unlike that story I posted. Half the time I'm beside myself. I'm having a hard time keeping track of things. Already I never want to hear a cry again. But I get to squeeze her, and holding her tiny little body, seeing her smile in her sleep or when nursing, watching her play with her tongue and discover the dolls on the playbar of her bouncer, feeling her play with my thumb as she nurses, watching her face move in her sleep, watch and touch her little monkey toes... all those great little moments DO make it all worth it. Happy wiggle time, hands pumping and feet flying, helps melt away the frustration, smooth over the rough edges. Her daddy moments too... bath time, napping together, dancing around the dining area, listening to Spike. Seeing daddy and daughter so happy, sharing special time, just melts my heart.

It does seem most mothers don't talk about the bad, these incredibly rough first weeks. In the midst of them, they feel like they'll never end. I know that's not true, and I'm sure my bad memories will fade too. But I want to record them here or in xanthvamp or in duein_oct07 or maybe in chitown_mamas, the gritty truth, so I'll appreciate the bright times that much more. I'm so beat up now... but I know, deep in my heart, that it's all worth it. And our little happy moments help reinforce that.

Alright... tired, heh. I'm off to cuddle Devin and maybe read some comics till the next nursing. Night all.
Mommy's Imp

Devin sleeps! Uses tongue!!

Devin and I, we're trying to work this new life out. Meeting needs, feeling satisfied, all that jazz. With Dave, even. Trying to find a balance, a routine, a way of life, really. I know things will keep changing, but establishing a routine helps ease all further transitions. We're not quite there... but we're working on it.

I'm trying to get her used to being put down, maybe sleeping in her crib. We've got progress - naps in the crib, wiggle time in the bouncer. She can see the toy bar now! The zebra fascinates her. So, we're still doing tummy time on the boppy on the bed. Tonight while I was playing online she was quietly observing tummy time. I look over and see:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Hehe! Just too cute. She napped for a while before waking hungry. Quite the little milk junkie she is... just look at her passed out after a hit!:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

*laughs* That's my girl! I guess I make a good cow, heh.

So... if you wanna see her wild tongue in action:

Tongue!!Collapse )

And sleeping somewhere besides Mommy's arms:Collapse )

Nov. 7th, 2007

Mommy's Imp


It's not all fuss and crying, even though it feels like it sometimes. She's a beautiful baby, and she has some glorious happy moments and some peaceful quiet moments.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

More hereCollapse )
Sleepy Kitty

Devin's here!

Actually, Devin Rose's 1 month old ;). She was born October 5th, 2007 at 3:51pm. 7 pounds, 10 ounces and 21 inches. I was in labor for about 28 hours - at my U/S on the 4th there was no amniotic fluid, and I was 4cms. I was induced with pitocin. Damn straight I had an epidural. She got stuck, we used the vacuum to get her out, then she got stuck by the shoulder with the cord wrapped around her neck. She finally came out, blue and limp. The NICU took good care of her for 48 hours, and she bounced back pretty well. It was scary, but there seems to be no lasting damage. *I* was in a lot of pain, after pushing for almost 4 hours, but by the 7th I was feeling better.

I got a copy of the bill to submit to AFLAC... Devin cost $11,618.14 to have! Thank the Lord and the Lady for All Kids...

Her first meal was formula in a bottle, but we're nursing exclusively now. It's hard - there are good days and bad days. She'll latch on great and eat like a champ, then next meal or day she'll slip off every 3rd suck and eat for MAYBE 5 minutes. :P It's a challenge, but I know it's worth it. My boobs are different too, adding to the nursing challenge, heh.

So... 1 month! We're reaching milestones. She ahhs, lifts her head, smiles, grabs and touches things, follows objects, pushes with her feet, flails, scootches on her tummy. She was born with a full head of hair, but it's falling out now. She LOVES bath time :D. She seems to like to be sung and read to. She loves her paci. She REALLY loves her dad too, though her cries stress him out, which I think she picks up on and that stresses HER out, and it's just a bad cycle :P.

I thought she was going through a growth spurt or I ate something that upset her or something... but now I'm just thinking I have a cranky, crabby, fussy baby. I'm pretty sure it's not colic. I can calm her by holding her, cuddling, using paci, tummy time on the boppy or nursing her. She is a little stuffed up - I've been getting boogers out of her since Sunday. But... it's just so HARD. I can't put her down! Dave got on me about the condition of the house, about always holding her and not even taking care of myself. SO... I'm trying to compromise. If she's pretty deeply asleep I put her in the bouncer. She'll sleep for 20 or so minutes before she realizes where she is. I use the sling or the Baby Bjorn to free up my hands. Or some of the 6 grandparents come over for cuddles while I clean or shop or rest.

Dave and I are ok. We're still good and happy, and we love Devin. But sleep dep and stress are getting to us a little, not to mention Dev's fussiness, so we're a little snippy, but nothing serious. Also, the doc was all worried that I'd have bad ppd. I've been a little sad, a lot overwhelmed, and had a few breakdowns, but nothing I'd call depression, so I think I might be in the clear there, knock on wood. There are days where I question our decision, wonder why, and wonder what our life is going to be versus what it could have been, but those moments, those funks are fleeting and fade. I don't regret her... I'm just scared. Tired. A little selfish. Change is hard...

Next? Things Need To Get Done. I can't believe it's been a month already! Time is just slipping right by me. Nothing's late or anything, but it's a struggle to keep on top of everything. Remember everything. Bills, housework, Devin, me, and the To Do list, like Dev's x-mas list, her insurance, thank you notes, my paperwork, learning to drive... :P AND once again I don't know if or when I'm going back to work (or where), and once again I don't know where I'm moving to :P. We were going to Remmington, but the rent's pretty high and so now Dave's thinking it'd be better if we bought. I dunno... in this market that scares me, but I guess we'll see. It's not really up to me anyway... :P

Once again, the word is Uncertainty...

Heh... this is pretty accurate.

OK... I know it's been a LONG ass time. I'm trying to remember/post all the important stuff. Am I gonna keep up here? I duno yet. I'm still deciding. So... I might see you, and I might not ;).

Apr. 6th, 2007

Mommy's Imp


After my doc appointment, slight adjustment to my days: I'm due Oct. 9th, so today I'm 13W3D. Otherwise, health-wise I'm ok. Symptoms are abating a bit, peeing less, starving less, but I think I'm mooding more. :P I think I might be showing a bit too. Oh! And I almost forgot... I have gained 10 pounds so far... doc said I'm not to gain any more till week 20. o_O Ooohhhh boy. We'll see how THAT goes.



And, while I can't DO it, it's pretty apropo:

Previous 10